Well Hello Gorgeous! 27 looking mighty fine on you if I don’t say so myself. (Me to myself in the mirror this morning)
And Hello to All of You!
In case it hasn’t become quite clear yet, yes, I turned 27 today. As the hours have passed I have done a lot of #TakeMeBackTuesday strolls down memory lane and through my digital photo albums from the greater part of my adult life. Circa 2009, College Freshmen to Present. Wild right? 8 very short years.
We have the various milestones that open and close our various chapters, like high school and college, buying your first house, getting your first dog (or cat), getting engaged, getting married, having babies, etc. And I’ll be honest, most of mine don’t really fit nicely into any of those categories. I’ve always been flying through life by the seat of my pants and as much fun as it has been sometimes, it has also taught me a lot of really hard lessons. I thought maybe instead of just reflecting on these lessons all by my lonesome, I might share some of the more important ones I’ve learned with all of you. In hopes that maybe, just maybe any one of them might help some of you navigate the crazy a little better than I did at times. Let us begin.
Number One:Your College Friends Are Not Always Your Forever Friends
Look, I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen but please do not get wrapped up in the idea that your first friend or the first crew you run with to those oh so glamorous frat parties are your people. I really liked my first college roommate and I have a lot of really good memories with the people from my hall. For instance, January of 2010, the paint was still drying on our dormitory walls. We were still trying to remember our RA’s names. I couldn’t have told you my roommate’s favorite color or her birthday and I was still trying to figure out whether or not I actually needed to buy books for any of my college classes or if I could just use the money for booze and food instead. But 8 of us decided to go to New York City. We packed all of us into two, two door Hondas and blasted 90’s music the whole 5-hour drive to my roommate’s Mom’s house in Bucks County. We made plans for the next trip before we even stepped foot in the city, we took countless pictures, laughed till we cried, danced and twirled around those big city lights like we owned the place. We did the whole “best friends forever” talk at least 12 times and we had so much fun. “THIS IS IT !!” I thought to myself, “These are the people who will be at my wedding and my house warming and my barbeques and my baby’s birthday parties !!” But the reality is I think about 5 months later I wasn’t talking to any of them (if that), our paths were just not the same. People drift apart and that’s not your fault and even if it is, that’s OKAY. My roommate ended up being best friends with our neighbor, and I ended up hooking up and going to crazy parties with the older guy that lived on the floor above us. Not one of my finer moments but hey, I was 19 and in love, give me a break. It’s really not until a solid 8 years later that I can now
confidently say that I just may have found my “next chapter” adult friends, and let me tell you, THERE ARE TWO! So, don’t find yourself down the rabbit hole of doing something wrong or being a loser or not pretty enough or whatever the lies are you tell yourself because you don’t have “true” or “real” friends in college or even the couple years to follow. The best advice I could tell you is to be responsibly irresponsible, don’t drink and drive, don’t walk home alone, don’t mix drugs and alcohol, and stay active. And while you’re at it, do some yoga because I WISH someone told me to 8 years ago. My chi would be so on point by now and trust me girl, you need good chi.
Number Two:HE IS NOT THE ONE.
This is also not one of those, absolutely – all the time – sure things but I’m going to stand solidly in saying 9 times out of 10, I’m right here. If you’re like me, you’re fiercely independent, you’re killing my free spirit vibes, don’t tell me who I am kind of girl…. likeeeeeee 50% of the time. Honestly don’t tell anyone because it will ruin my street cred but come on, a girls gotta get some love. Anyway, I dated a guy my senior year of high school and did the absolutely most cliché thing every girl is not supposed to do at this point in her life. I chose the college I went to because of the guy I was dating. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN. Yepp, I said it and there you have it, the cat is out of the bag. And ya know what? I don’t give a dayumm about it, why? Because I have a fucking fantastic life and that’s how I got here, so whatever, I’d do it again. So, long story short, I dated this guy for the first 3 weeks I was in college and then we broke up. I went into a downward spiral, it was a mess, and then flash forward 8 months I met the guy I would then spend the next four years losing myself in. It wasn’t all bad but I spent all of my college life building a home inside someone else before being safe inside myself. Not to mention this wasn’t the healthiest of relationships and he cheated on me twice. So, if you find yourself here, I applaud you for knowing you’re here, that’s huge. I couldn’t grasp that that wasn’t what they meant when they said, “relationships take work.” Whoever they are, they need to clarify. So, I stayed. Please don’t stay. As fearful and pained as your whole being feels, I know that space inside your chest, your gut knows you need to walk away. I promise you two things with my whole heart. This will not kill you. It feels like it might, but I promise there is a day after the pain when everything doesn’t feel so heavy and you don’t feel so tired. I also promise that you will not end up alone and that this is not what “the work” looks like. Relationships absolutely take work, but I swear on everything I am and believe that the work is not this painful with the right people. Please leave. He is not the one.
Number Three: Make Mistakes
If I sat here all night and listed out everything I wish I did better or wish I knew then what I know now, this post would be a book. Maybe someday it will. But what I can concisely say is that I wouldn’t know what I need now, if I didn’t find out what I didn’t then. It is not an easy thing to decipher and you will get it wrong a lot. I have hurt many good people and I have lost them because of it. I have barely any grasp on financial stability. I still have no clue how to get from where I am to where I want to be. I have lost my way countless times, and I know I will continue to do so for some time after this. What all those mistakes have taught me is that I’m resilient. I am fireproof. I can watch everything fall apart, go up in flames, and burn to the ground, and I will still get up and do what needs to be done. I will hit rock bottom again, I’m sure of it, and every time it feels worse but I get up. Why? Because I didn’t die and life went on, so, why shouldn’t I? I would never know what strong feels like without resistance. You can never beat the person who refuses to give up. I will rebuild my bridges, I will budget like a savage, and I will get to where I’m going, not because it’s easy but because it’s hard and because of that, I have become stronger. I know this because I didn’t die and life went on, so I did too. Next time you’re thinking “shit that was not how I wanted this to go.” Yell “PLOT TWIST!” And keep right on going because tomorrow is going to happen whether you fucked up today or not so we might as well have a good attitude about it and we didn’t die and life went on, so why shouldn’t we? Do you see a pattern here? Life doesn’t stop because it gets hard, so why should we be stopped? We shouldn’t. We should learn and adapt and revolutionize ourselves, that is how we will survive. Mistakes are how we learn what we don’t need. Take this country for instance. We are all disgusted by what has happened this last year and many of us are shouting from the rafters at anyone who will listen, “What a mistake it was putting that guy in office!” But do you see? Because of that mistake we can no longer hide the broken parts of our country. They are literally staring us in the face every day and flashing at us like lights on a siren. When we make mistakes we acquire the knowledge to fix what’s broken. So as much as I’d like to say I’d go back and do things a little differently, given the actual choice I probably wouldn’t because I’m a better me today because of it and no matter the outcome, you will be too. We all will be, so go fuck shit up. 😉
There you have it loveys, my top 3 #TakeMeBackTuesday lessons. And If I’m going to throw a few more in there quick for good measure they would be:
- Don’t Adopt A Dog With A Partner
- Stop Judging Yourself
- Spend Money Like You’re Always Broke
- Work Smarter, Not Harder
Well, 27 feels like it’s going to be a good year already. I’m setting some goals for this year and maybe I’ll discuss them in an upcoming post too. See if you all have any fun goals I can add to the list. 27 is going to be BIG !
Thanks so much for sticking around, I hope you enjoyed this one. Now. TIME FOR BIRTHDAY COCKTAILS ! Check out my IG story @shes_hungry for whatever I’m getting into this week for birthday celebrations !!